So many young girls grow up to be women who believe that only having a man will really make a difference to their lives. Well, a man can make a difference, but not to the exclusion of everything else a woman can be and achieve. For many women, life takes a different path, it may be that on their own they achieve a high-powered career and this provides them with assets such as a home of their own. They may not want to have a man and nor would it be advisable in some circumstances, as I found out to my cost in a brief marriage where my emotionally and financially abusive husband was entitled to half the property I had owned before meeting him, just because he had married me and had no such assets of his own. I was unable to prove the abuse, since he made sure that if I insisted on the divorce going to court, he would attempt to take my home…And so for many women, it is to a large degree women who have made the big difference in their lives and growth and been their biggest influence on who they are. Many of us can think of, even still have in our lives a woman or women who have influenced us and we feel played a big part in shaping us into whom we have become. Most of these women are not famous, but much closer to home and special to those of us who call them Mum, Grandma, Auntie or teacher, friend or partner
We women are capable, powerful and wonderful with unique gifts which can be priceless when used with intelligence and integrity, we are not the women of many popular TV programmes, cunning, needy for a man, manipulative to get and keep one and dependent on having one for any sense of self-worth.
I can say that I write from experience and gratitude for the women who have and do today influence my life and enrich it by their example, many men have credited the women in their lives or even especially just one, such as their mother for their success in life.
If today I was to be advising a younger woman or young girl, I would say look for and look up to as mentor’s women who have maturity of mind, life experience and a stable outlook on issues such as love, life, relationships and their career, especially value women who appreciate and have used to the fullest, their chances for education, and their intelligence. Look at those who have made something out of their lives and lived it to the fullest even with very limited life chances and hard circumstances. Also, look for women who have not compromised themselves or others to make progress and achieve…Do not take your cue in life from the movie Working Girl!!! Life is NOT a competition, there is plenty of room on this earth for all of us and we have a lot to learn from each other. Being a woman is a sisterhood!!
Look up to women who have more than one string to their bow, who when one door shuts such as in their career, they have alternatives up their sleeve, who have perhaps used talents and skills to make their own business. Learn as soon as you can to recognise those women who have always had a plan B, or even a plan C, D and E!!
My blog is written from personal experience of being an older woman who for health reasons caused by domestic abuse, had to give up her career and carve out another one and it saddens me to see women whose lives will always be limited by lack of confidence and a lack of personal worth, an awareness that we are entitled to be the very best that we can be , but who think that ideology is for other women, not them and are held back by the attitudes instilled in them from childhood and family circumstances, society and class structure and a media that has led them to believe they are only valuable if they have good looks and a man …that they do not deserve to do well and are not entitled to it , but other women are .
Don’t hold back, be all that you are capable of being, it is true that a man can make a difference to your life, but we women for ourselves can make all the difference …
Women have come a long way in the job market since the days of working class women often being unable to expect much more than a job in the local mill or a factory, where they would often start work as children. There is a long way to go as there are still fewer opportunities in management and many other career for women, especially those of child bearing age, but things are still much better and inclusive than when my mother sat for and won a place at grammar school but was unable to go because her mother could not afford the uniform and instead she had to go to a technical school, learn office skills, leave at 14 and start work in an office. If you are willing to consider taking out a student loan or can find funding by other means, it is now possible for most people with the academic ability to go to university regardless of their social class …. or to do another line of study. Many women even as young girls are starting their own businesses while still in education, with the help of the internet ….
For the past eight years the USA had the first ever black American woman as first Lady, now a lady from Eastern Europe , speaking five languages is the new First Lady , the UK has its second female Prime Minister …weigh up your skills and experience, gain what you feel is missing , look at all the options open to you and get out there and make a difference for yourself ,those you care about … and the world.
Valerie Hartland
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